Here goes nothing...

I'm sure a lot of you have seen posts and comments spread across my social media that I've been in a rough spot medically recently. I'm going to be completely transparent and as open as I can be with this situation.

I've been struggling with my blood sugar for years - I was diagnosed a Diabetic 5 years ago but they could never nail down what type I was. Until last week Thursday. I am Type 1.

It may not seems like a huge deal - but it is. Diabetes is not curable. It is manageable of course but not without A LOT of effort. I already had a good idea about being a diabetic before I was diagnosed due to my grandmother, but... to find out that I was one, felt devastating. Up until now I dealt with it fine. I was easily managing my condition and only feeling sick here and there from medication side-effects.

After my DKA ( Diabetic ketoacidosis ) experience in the hospital a month or so ago my status had to be re-assessed. I had to go through all the tests and more to actually see what was going on in my body. Unfortunately I had gotten much worse. The doctor I am seeing now confirmed a Type 1 diagnoses. A quick run-down about what Type 1 diabetes is... my body - specifically my pancreas produces little or no insulin. Insulin is needed to allow sugar (glucose) to enter cells to produce energy. Without the insulin the cells do not absorb the sugars and then it builds up in the bloodstream which can cause VERY dangerous conditions. In my case the BIG indicator that this was happening was my DKA status.

I have not been able to process this very well. I spent a couple days in tears. Still, I am bursting into tears here and there. It helps to have very supportive friends and family, but my mind is still reeling. My lifestyle has to completely change. I was already extremely anxious with what I had to do before but now there is so much more. Diet, exercise, daily routines and habits - ALL have to change drastically. I honestly have no idea where to start other than being sure I take my injections of insulin... which I cannot inject by myself without nearly passing out. IT DOES NOT HURT - but my brain freaks out like I'm getting stabbed. Mind you any other person CAN give me needles and I can watch and joke about it no problem. The nurses in the hospital loved me. I was a happy, little pin cushion.

I am still waiting to see an Endocrinologist. I did get a call today and they are hurriedly trying to get me in as soon as possible. I will be able to figure out more details and hopefully get more tips on how to manage my anxiety so that I can get my insulin with near zero problems by myself.

I am exhausted both mentally and physically. Rolling out of bed has never been harder. I know there are a few of you who know how that feels. This is something I can move forward with but I will never get over it. Its not easy and never will be easy, but it will become easier and like every health condition; I will have bad days.

It's going to take some effort and time before I can feel normal again. Where I don't have my head all full up with jumbled thoughts and fears. I feel like some of my future has been permanently hindered and I don't know how to get on the right track to fix it. I know I can live a healthy, normal life with diabetes. I have family who IS doing it right now. I have met good people that I consider friends doing it. That is clear to me. I just have to be able to accept myself all over again so that I can accept that I am capable of succeeding just like they are.

If you have any questions feel free to contact me on twitter, facebook, instagram, email or anywhere else you may be able to get a hold of me. Thank you all for taking time out of your day to read this. It really means a lot to me. Please take care of yourselves.

<3 Omikins